The 5 Ring Circus

‘Twas the night before the Olympics and all through Vancouver, everyone got Olympic fever, even the Yaletown Cougars.

So much going on, I thought I’d just share some photos and captions. Thanks to everyone who’s been spreading the word about the Circus. I’m starting to think it’s more than my relatives reading this.

The Torch made its way into work today, thanks to Pat Bell. Chris Moore and I quickly turned the photo op into this motivational poster for our office door.

Action Shot in the office

Chris Moore getting into the Olympic Spirit

Paid a visit to the Alberta House. It’s conveniently located across the street from a steak house, and has a real time clock showing the price of a barrel of oil. Our provincial stereotypes are safe and sound.

You must be this tall to be an Olympian

I’m pretty sure if the anti-Olympic protesters saw the picture above, they’d immediately change their stance.

I think this artist was trying to say that the Olympics are as awesome as bacon, which is pretty awesome. Agreed!

The torch passed by our place tonight, as two men gingerly touched the tips of their torches together. That juvenile joke was stolen from the movie Role Models. Oh yeah, one of them was Michael Buble.

VANOC CEO John Furlong asked nicely if he could have his picture taken with me. I’m pretty sure it was a big moment for him. He asked if I’d put it in the5ringcircus, and I said I’d try my best.

I have to give VANOC props for compiling what looks to be a very impressive Cultural Olympiad. And it kicked off on January 22nd with a concert by Phoenix, the cooler-than-the-other-side-of-the-pillow French band who put out one of the decade’s finest albums with Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.

I give Vancouver even more respect for shaking their too cool for school reputation and smartly skirting security to create a spontaneous dance party on the stage.

I’ve never read the seminal marketing book “The Tipping Point,” but I’d imagine this is what the author is talking about:

I’m proud to say I was there to witness the Dance, Dance Revolution.

The following poster has been appearing in Vancouver, courtesy of a group called the “2010 Welcoming Committee”.

First of all, the name is misleading. The 2010 Welcoming Committee doesn’t look very welcoming. Second, if you’re going to militarize the mascots, at least include Mukmuk, assholes. Third, make sure when you speak out about the “impact the games are having on your communities”, try not to overlook the thousands of kids inspired to get involved in winter sports, thanks to the Olympics and all the shiny new facilities that have been built for you.

If you look at the bottom left corner of the protest poster you’ll find that it says “child care available.”

I know when I’m protesting, I can’t stand when the other protesters bring their kids along. Their constant questions like “Daddy, why are you mad at the cute mascots?” or “Mommy, what did the speed skaters do to make you so mad” are enough to make me want to stuff my balaclava down their throat. Stupid kids and their stupid untainted logic and objective reasoning. At least now they’ll all be somewhere else playing with mega blocks so the adults can protest about how evil sports are.

This is getting too political. I’m going to go look for the next athlete to watch for shallow reasons.

Guest blogger Krista Davey digs deep to find a commercial gem from ’88, and looks at how it stands up to its modern counterpart:

You saw Jarrod’s post comparing the ubiquitous red mittens to the iconic candle torch, well in this post the commercials from the official sponsors of the 1988 and 2010 Winter Olympic Torch Relays will square off in a series of events that I call…THE COMMERCIALYMPICS!

(cue jock jam anthem)

I should preface this post by saying that I am in no way an impartial third party.  I am in fact a very biased second party.  I am the French Judge of blog guest posters – I prefer snowflake maple leafs to inukshuks, beef to salmon, and if I were a betting man, I’d put money on Howdy being able to take Quatchi in a fight with one paw tied behind his back.

The Challengers:

Petro Canada – Share The Flame (1987)

RBC – Carry The Torch (2009)

Event 1: Best Theme Song
Gold Medal: David Foster – “Can’t You Feel It?”
Silver Medal: Joe Cocker – “Share The Flame”
Bronze Medal: Bedouin Soundclash – “Carry The Torch”

Now we all know that David Foster is the Michael Phelps of Olympic theme songs of any nature, so there’s no chance at gold for either commercial, but how can you not be moved by Share The Flame’s 30 second orgy of corporate sponsored patriotism? As the song climaxes, even the old man with his disapproving frown and slow claps is reduced to a blubbering pile of Olympic spirit. One word: Magical! Take note Pepsi, this is how it’s done.

Event 2: Best Male Accoutrement
Gold and Silver Medals: Share The Flame – Steampunk Goggles & Moustache Guy
Bronze Medal: Share The Flame – Old School RCMP Hat
4th Place: Carry the Torch – Suit & Bowler Hat
When he looks up from his work, raises his goggles and looks off into the distance, it’s like he’s looking 22 years to the future of ironic hipster fashion. Although I’m sure he probably bathes more regularly than his modern counterparts.

Event 3: Sweetest Ride

Gold Medal: Carry The Torch
Disqualified: Share The Flame

While the number of transportation options in Carry the Torch far outnumbers those in Share the Flame, this competition is all about quality over quantity, and therefore the title of Sweetest Ride would go to Share the Flame for its use of the Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser – a ride of the sweetest kind of luxury and comfort.

Final Medal Count:

Share The Flame – 1 Gold, 2 Silver, 1 Bronze

Carry The Torch – 1 Gold, 1 Bronze

Haha! Joke’s on you, girl modelling this shirt. When you try to wear it in Vancouver and showcase your apathy, it’ll get wet in no time, and you’ll be showcasing something else (boobies).

If you’d like to buy it, you can get it here. Just don’t wear it around me, or Stephen Colbert.

(link courtesy of Jeff Galbraith, Trend Hunter/Boob Hunter)