The tents are being taken down, the red mitts are being tossed in homeless donation bins, the ticket scalpers are crawling back into the dark alleys, and the puddles of puke and urine are being washed down the gutter by the reliable Vancouver rains.

These amazing, disgusting, enthralling, and emotional Games are over.

I only wish the Olympics could’ve slowed to the pace of the Snow Leopard (43 seconds behind the leader on his slalom runs), but instead it ripped past us all like Alex Bilodeau.

Thank you all for following along on this blog, and for all the contributors who helped add some content along the way while I was out banging cowbells instead of keyboards (and witnessing 4 gold medals). You were like that proverbial ass push in a short track relay, helping me get through this.

It felt like going into this, I had to hard sell a lot of Vancouverites on how great these Games would be. Now all the sideliners seem to have better Olympic stories than I do. This city really surprised me and dropped its indifference the moment the cauldron was clumsily lit.

I’m going to miss the alternating panning and praising of the Own the Podium Program, I’m going to miss Vicki Chan’s obsession with Johnny Weir, the Snow Leopard’s ubercelebrity status, Norway’s amazing curling pants, Stephen Brunt’s tearjerking montages, Jay Onrait’s morning show, and my girlfriend’s inability to let seven combined illnesses stop her from partying.

Jenny Taylor, still cheering through a Bronchial infection

I’m NOT going to miss the ridiculous venue lineups, the Yoplait Source commercial, the hideous Russian Sochi jackets, the way too revealing speed skating suits (mooseknuckles and cameltoes), the 18% automatic restaurant surcharge, the long lineups for beer tents, the outdated soulpatch of Apolo Anton Ohno, the off-pitch spontaneous anthem singing, those stupid Lululemon hockey helmet toques, the way too aggressive high fiving, and most of all, the CTV “I Believe” song.

The most encouraging thing I’ve heard in the aftermath is that amateur sports will now have a dedicated sports channel so that Canadians can follow our athletes on TV in between the Olympics, instead of the back pages of the sports section.

And though much has been made of this new brand of brash patriotism, I must admit, I lean toward the quieter, more modest Canada. I think we should all look to Sidney Crosby as a role model of class and dignity we need to maintain. We shouldn’t be in any rush to out America the Americans.

As for this blog, it’ll probably be back in 4 years. It’s been encouraging seeing 600 people a day check in on the stories, which rocketed to 5000 thanks to google searches for Ashleigh McIvor after her gold medal. Lesson learned–sex sells. Still, my favourite thing about this blog is that I knew it would have an expiration date of March 1st. Like my Olympic gear, it’s dying to be put away for a while.

Thanks for following the Circus.

The author and Athlete to Watch for Shallow Reasons, Kimi Zakreski

Chris Moffat, 88 sweater, and Mike Moffat

I hereby propose a moratorium on making fun of the sport of doubles luge. While no sport has opened itself up to more ridicule since ski ballet, we have to remember these lugers are, in fact, high performance athletes.

I was lucky enough to meet the Moffat brothers, who compete for Canada in doubles luge. They were admiring my 1988 Olympic Sweater at a party, and that started a conversation. Turns out Mike Moffat is a big fly fisherman, and recently caught his first Steelhead on the Squamish during the Games. That’s no easy task.

Mike and I even discussed hitting up the Bow River the next time I’m in Calgary. In a Jerry Seinfeld/Keith Hernandez moment, he gave me his card, and we parted ways. But don’t be surprised if we’re floating the Bow one day, possibly in the same boat.

Not a word out of you, Ian Day.

In case you don't get it, it's Canada (Team Martin) vs. Norway (Team Clown Pants)

Just as the sign was about to pass through the security checkpoint, an eagle-eyed VANOC volunteer woman flagged it for “illegal advertising”. Technically, the “martinizing” logo wasn’t part of the Olympic family, making it as illegal as Human Growth Hormone. I tried to reason with them, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I had a better chance at smuggling in a bomb at that point.

Here’s me, right before I had to throw it out:

I cursed VANOC under my breath, and over my breath, for the next 3 hours. Fortunately, team Canada lessened the hurt with a decisive win. In the end, the pants didn’t stand a chance.

Fast forward to later that evening, when I happened to be at a party where Kevin Martin showed up. I happened to have a picture of the sign on my camera and showed it to him. Without hyperbole, he LOVED it. He even LOL’d for a good 5-7 seconds. “How can I reward you for your gold medal worthy wordplay?” he asked. “Maybe just a picture,” I said.

Take that, VANOC.

(Thanks to Chris Moore for the Art Direction)

Nice nipple rings!

VANOC's overregulation at its finest.

Little known fact: Shaun White also skips for the Swiss women's team

Never hold a press conference during a Canadian hockey game

Alexander the great! Conquerer of Dale MoneyBags-Smith

Quatchi make boo boo go bye bye.

Claire Bergin and 6ft 4inch Aoife Hoey training for the Games

Many who watched the Irish Bobsleigh team in their first two heats yesterday might have wondered how two girls can be more than 3 seconds back of the lead time. The answer might lie with driver and vowel-abuser Aoife Hoey, who stands at 6ft 4, making her the tallest girl at the Games.

Watching her climb in the sled is like watching Andre the Giant climb into a mini. Watching her go down the track with her head sticking out so high makes me want to play Whac-a-mole. Still, they’re ahead of the Russians, and close behind the Australians, who tried to have them punted from the event before the Olympics. Despite my criticisms, they’re my favourite non-contending team of these Games. I hope they smoke those boxing Kangaroos. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a submarine slowly meander down the track with a fully extended periscope.

(Thanks to Colin Hart for the photoshop magic)

Apart from sharing the same name (compare them out loud, really, go on, it’s fun), these two fine gentlemen have much in common. Both have a fetish for well-cut grey pants. Both are yet to live up to their earlier promise. Both are partial to sharing shellfish with older women. Ashton / Anton, on behalf of all Global Villagers, I salute you for enriching our lives.

Learn more about Ashton’s private life here. http://twitter.com/

Learn more about Anton’s private life here. http://www.noc.by//

I attach some rare professional video footage of the lesser known Irish women’s bobsleigh team to mark their inaugral participation in this fine event on Tuesday and Wednesday night. For your added viewing pleasure, try counting the number of times lady bosleigher on the left says “you know” during the interview.

Additional fun fact; Ireland’s Aoife Hoey, of the aforementioned “you know” fame, is also the tallest female athlete in the Winter Games at an impressive 6”4, which is roughly the same height as the Inukshuk on English Bay. Extended thanks go out to the nations of Australia and Brazil for their valiant, but ultimately failed efforts to get the Irish ladies booted out of the bobsleigh event. I hope Aoife stands on you accidentally.

For anyone not well versed in golf, Amen Corner describes the 11th, 12th, and 13th holes of August National golf course, home of the Masters. They’re a particularly difficult stretch of holes, and if you come out clean, the tailors start scrambling to get your measurements for the Green Jacket (a wearable trophy).

I mention Amen Corner, because this weekend at the Vancouver 2010 Olympics presented a very similar challenge to Canada’s Olympic team. Sadly, I’d say we came out of the weekend, ummm, about 8 over par.

I don’t mean to be an armchair athlete. I appreciate how tough it us to perform under the microscope of 34 million mitten-wearing hosers. And I know how tough the US and German teams are. It’s just, I hoped the law of averages would lead us to more than 1 silver medal over 48 hours.

The Hamelin brothers really deflated me. 2 chances to win a medal in a final heat of 5 skaters. In the words of my friend Jeff, “they skated a masterful 500 meter race. Problem was, it was in the 1000 meter event.”

Denny Morrison and Manny Osbourne-Paradis also got to me, pulling out a lot of excuses and finger pointing for their poor performances. Uncharacteristic of both athletes, and quite un-Canadian.

Melissa Hollingsworth was tough to watch, putting in a disastrous 4th run to slide right off the podium. Her coach was there at the bottom, handing her the Canadian flag in an anticipated celebration of a medal. She held it up with a forced smile, but might as well have used it as a kleenex.

While we’re talking about the track, one of our 2-man bobsled teams actually crashed while in 3rd place. This despite all those extra runs they had as part of the Own the Podium program.

The Canadian men’s hockey team folded to the Americans, forcing a sobering cup of coffee down the throat of all party-primed Canadians. From my point of view, we hit a hot goalie. Better now than in the playoff round.

And toughest of all was Chris Del Bosco, Skier Cross Athlete for Canada. He took a tight line on the second last jump looking to upgrade his sewn-up bronze. Instead, he ended up blowing up and landing in a crumpled heap within a stone’s throw from the finish. Still, I like that he was going for a better medal, because, in his own words “3rd is alright for some people.” Chris Del Bosco was really going for it, and I credit him for that.

This is a really verbose entry, but I’d just like to say this. There’s been a lot of debate about the Own the Podium initiative. Though I like the program in theory, I wish they didn’t give it such a brash name. To borrow from adspeak, it was a blatant overpromise. We’re talking about podium domination while other countries are just going out and doing it.

Yes, we have some medals. And yes, there have been some great performances. But we won’t be threatening the Americans, and probably not the Germans either. We probably won’t match our Torino numbers, marking the first leveling off on our graph of Winter Olympic progress.

As for this “there’s too much pressure at home” talk, that didn’t seem to bother the Australians in 2000. The cacophony of  cowbells and clapping should give you the extra 10 in 110%. I’m trying to stay positive, I’m trying to stay supportive, but so far too many of our athletes have taken their cue from the 4th pillar in the opening ceremonies, failing to rise to the occasion.

I might go to the Shark Club and try to get ruffied. I just want to forget all about this weekend.

You get mittens, you get mittens, everyone gets miiiiitttteeeeennnns!