Posts Tagged ‘2010’

h1

Put me on TV!

February 27, 2010

Like anyone, I go to Olympic events to a) Get on TV, b) eat overpriced hot dogs, and c) maybe watch some sports. So I was pretty excited about thinking up this particular sign for the Norway vs. Canada curling match. Team Martin (Canada) are famous for their flashy shots while Team Jensrud (Norway) are famous for their flashy pants. Pants that have over half a million fans on a Facebook fan page.

In case you don't get it, it's Canada (Team Martin) vs. Norway (Team Clown Pants)

Just as the sign was about to pass through the security checkpoint, an eagle-eyed VANOC volunteer woman flagged it for “illegal advertising”. Technically, the “martinizing” logo wasn’t part of the Olympic family, making it as illegal as Human Growth Hormone. I tried to reason with them, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I had a better chance at smuggling in a bomb at that point.

Here’s me, right before I had to throw it out:

I cursed VANOC under my breath, and over my breath, for the next 3 hours. Fortunately, team Canada lessened the hurt with a decisive win. In the end, the pants didn’t stand a chance.

Fast forward to later that evening, when I happened to be at a party where Kevin Martin showed up. I happened to have a picture of the sign on my camera and showed it to him. Without hyperbole, he LOVED it. He even LOL’d for a good 5-7 seconds. “How can I reward you for your gold medal worthy wordplay?” he asked. “Maybe just a picture,” I said.

Take that, VANOC.

(Thanks to Chris Moore for the Art Direction)

Share

h1

The Irish Bobsled Team, and the Art of Aerodynamics

February 24, 2010

Claire Bergin and 6ft 4inch Aoife Hoey training for the Games

Many who watched the Irish Bobsleigh team in their first two heats yesterday might have wondered how two girls can be more than 3 seconds back of the lead time. The answer might lie with driver and vowel-abuser Aoife Hoey, who stands at 6ft 4, making her the tallest girl at the Games.

Watching her climb in the sled is like watching Andre the Giant climb into a mini. Watching her go down the track with her head sticking out so high makes me want to play Whac-a-mole. Still, they’re ahead of the Russians, and close behind the Australians, who tried to have them punted from the event before the Olympics. Despite my criticisms, they’re my favourite non-contending team of these Games. I hope they smoke those boxing Kangaroos. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a submarine slowly meander down the track with a fully extended periscope.

(Thanks to Colin Hart for the photoshop magic)

Share

h1

Parallel skis, parallel universes (by Marcus McLaughlin)

February 24, 2010


Apart from sharing the same name (compare them out loud, really, go on, it’s fun), these two fine gentlemen have much in common. Both have a fetish for well-cut grey pants. Both are yet to live up to their earlier promise. Both are partial to sharing shellfish with older women. Ashton / Anton, on behalf of all Global Villagers, I salute you for enriching our lives.

Learn more about Ashton’s private life here. http://twitter.com/

Learn more about Anton’s private life here. http://www.noc.by//

Share

h1

The Irish Bobsleigh Team (by Anna Ryan)

February 23, 2010

Another story from our Irish correspondent, Anna Ryan, giving us a glimpse into the psyche of the Irish Women’s Bobsleigh Team the night before the big race.

I attach some rare professional video footage of the lesser known Irish women’s bobsleigh team to mark their inaugral participation in this fine event on Tuesday and Wednesday night. For your added viewing pleasure, try counting the number of times lady bosleigher on the left says “you know” during the interview.

Additional fun fact; Ireland’s Aoife Hoey, of the aforementioned “you know” fame, is also the tallest female athlete in the Winter Games at an impressive 6”4, which is roughly the same height as the Inukshuk on English Bay. Extended thanks go out to the nations of Australia and Brazil for their valiant, but ultimately failed efforts to get the Irish ladies booted out of the bobsleigh event. I hope Aoife stands on you accidentally.

h1

The British Invasion (by Marcus McLaughlin)

February 18, 2010

Guest correspondent Marcus McLaughlin takes a look at the UK media’s meddling, and the UK’s chances at medalling.

Watch out Canada, Germany, Scandinavia and The U.S. The Brits are here.

And they’re here to kick some…snow. Playfully. With their Hunter wellies. Oh, and to provide the British press with some material other than the exploits of dour government ministers, footballers’ wives or reality TV stars. And did they come, the UK media? Oh yes, in droves. The BBC alone has more personnel at the Games than the nation’s entire 52-member sports team. I mean, we’re talking about a real hunger for sporting heroes. Last month, for example, 28 photographers were sent all the way down to Melbourne to capture history. At the Tennis Australian Open, Scotsman Andy Murray sent the country into collective premature ejaculation when he reached the final and promised to become the first UK Grand Slam winner in 76 years. Did he unseat the mighty Federer and justify the trip for those weary photographers? Well, no. But this illustrates their appetite for a sporting fairytale.

Why then, do you journalists fly over here hell bent on raining down on our snowy parade? For a country that is set to stage the biggest party itself in 2012, I’d expect you to be just a tad more supportive. Then again, no Brit gives a flying headbutt about a story that includes the words “winter” and “sports”.

This just in from my man in England (er…my Dad):

“I don’t think we, as a country will be watching much. The British TV and press haven’t found a native hero or heroine yet to inspire us all.”

Ah, so that’s it. A hero you say? Well, let’s have a wee gander at the contenders. According to the Team GB site, the ‘ones to watch’ are bobsleigh, luge, curling, women’s skiing and figure skating. But the real money is on skeleton star Shelley Rudman, who won GB’s only medal (silver) at Turin. No pressure.

No really. No pressure. None at all. Canada may want to ‘own the podium’, wheras Team GB’s 52 athletes have been set the lofty target of three medals of any colour (an all-time record). Surely, someone will rise up like the phoenix from the flames. No wait. It was an eagle rising from the prairies in ’88. Remember? Nevermind.

At the time of writing (Day 7), that any-colour-medal remains elusive. Bodes well for the bookies back home who predict the U.K. will experience a medal shutout. Surprising, considering their new ‘world-class’ National Training Facility.

So, back to those journos. Apparently, it hasn’t been a positive start at all. Right on schedule it seems, on Day 3, The Guardian wrote us off as a “worst-ever” Games.

In response, The National Post writes that “if there was a gold medal for premature Winter Olympic whining, the British would be perennial occupants of the middle spot on the podium.”

And now this today on the BBC:

Tessa Jowell, The British Olympics Minister, currently in Vancouver, said, “I think that VANOC have done a really wonderful job. Our media back home is too busy carping and doesn’t quite get it. These are Canada’s Games and the people are 1000% behind them.” Go Tessa!

For British media, my recommendation would be simple. Sure, you may need to find any story to negate UK’s impotence in the Games. But don’t tempt fate by criticizing too early. You’ll face your national test soon enough.

Whoa, Look at me! You’d think this Brit had allowed some of the ubiquitous sea of red to rub off on him. Just maybe he has.

(Special thanks to Marcus. Follow his blog here)

h1

Pindemonium!

February 13, 2010

I’ll be the first to admit that I collected and traded Olympic pins in 88. I’ll also confide that my pins were stolen from my backpack by a classmate. He was never caught, though I think I know who it was. There was no Encyclopedia Brown in my school to find that piece of case-breaking evidence for 25 cents. The culprit got a way with a pocket full of metal and enamel.

So you can understand why I’m a bit soured on the whole idea of pin trading. They can turn classmates into common thieves.

To me, pin traders are the band geeks of the Olympic movement. While the rest of the world is watching top athletes like Shaun White land mindblowing tricks like the Double McTwist 1260, or at least trying to pick up Swedish tourists at the bar, they’ll be in a pin trading pavilion exchanging some  obscure Sarajevo ’84 pin for a Heidi & Howdy ’88 pin (which was probably stolen from me).

I don’t expect everyone to get swept up in the sports, but the pin trading movement feels like someone trying to show off their spoon collection at a Metallica concert.

Then again, I’m sitting here blogging inside while the Olympics are happening all around me, so I feel a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.

On the topic of pins, PETA got into the spirit, creating their very own pin for the 2010 Games. Something tells me it won’t be endorsed by the Canadian Olympic Committee.

The Inukshuk goes clubbing

h1

We Stand On Guard For Thee (by Jeff Funnekotter)

February 12, 2010

I know it sounds like it’s a made up name, but Jeff Funnekotter is a Canadian sports nut who made the strange choice of leaving Canada a few months before the Games to travel Europe. That didn’t stop him from filing this story about Olympic fever in Holland:

A lot of questions spring to mind when one sees this billboard all  over Amsterdam.  What does it mean?  Is this an affront to the  Canadian flag, or a compliment? How ironic and sophomoric is the JC  Decaux reference?  What’s with the disturbing amount of thigh hair?  Why is that strange man taking a photo of it?

I can’t answer most of these but I do know that it’s an ad for a Dutch  radio station, as it turns out.  It indicates that a team of DJs – I’m  not sure if they are shock (or in this case, sock) jocks – is heading  to the Olympics and will be broadcasting live.  They want to call  attention to their Olympic package, I guess.  Perhaps they are feeling cocky about the Dutch team’s chances.  Who knows?

What we know is that Evers Staat Op – translated loosely, it means Evers Is On, even though the three DJs who comprise the team are named
Niels, Edwin, and Rick – are in a specially-built broadcast in Holland  Heinken House. This is located at the Minoru Arena in Richmond.

It’s open daily from 9am to 2am and is fairly mental by most Olympic venues’ standards from past Games. Holland Heineken House started at  the 1992 Barcelona games, so they will be used to the temperature in  Vancouver.

The Dutch tend to really get behind their athletes (I suspect the same can be said of the hairy-quadricepped gentleman here too), so it’s
worth checking out at some point to see a country that really goes nuts for its team.

(Thanks to Jeff for filing this)

Share

h1

Athletes to watch for shirtless reasons: pandering to women

February 11, 2010

Alright, enough already.

I’ve received this request for far too many female readers to ignore it anymore. I guess since Twilight: New Moon is now a few months old, all the girls out there need some new abs to rub their eyes all over.

So, I’m going to put up this link to a series of male Canadian Olympic athletes posing shirtless, so you can all leave me alone for awhile.

To all the fellas, I apologize. I’ll be providing some new foxy female athletes soon.

h1

The Village People (February 10)

February 10, 2010

I think she liiiikes you.

Governor General Michaelle Jean welcomes the athletes, midget sidekick turns out to be a no-show.

Vanoc CEO John Furlong and Mayor Gregor Robinson locked in an epic staring contest

The Korean Team, seemingly excited about Christmas light bulbs.

Obviously some kind of swarm of asian paparazzi.

h1

Turning Lugers into Winners

February 10, 2010

Chris Moore, training for the $1 million dollar prize. Photo by Philip Jarmain

Canada’s lugers have been offered a prize of $1,000,000 dollars if they win a gold medal. No, I didn’t accidentally hold the zero button down too long. That’s $1,000,000. For luging. That’s not dangling a carrot. That’s dangling an entire produce section.

The team’s sponsor, Fast Track Group out of Alberta, announced the incentive today. For a while it seemed like an incredibly selfless gesture. Then company founder Darren Weeks spoke and instead ended up sound kind of dickish.

“I guess I’m blessed financially and I wanted to share,” he said in a phone interview from St. Albert.

Then he probably hung up the phone, lit a cigar with a Borden, and went for a swim in his pool full of gold coins.

Other non-luging Canadian athletes have the chance to win $20,000 for a gold medal from the Canadian Olympic Committee (including those cash starved NHL’ers, thank god). Now that Fast track has offered (pinky pressed to lip) “one mill-yon doll-hers”, they’re making the COC cash incentive program look about as generous as a tip my Grandpa would leave at a restaurant.

Share

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.